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sometimes I like myself a lot   
09:11pm 08/05/2006
  So, ever since I heard about Brown University's naked donuts about a year ago, I've been wanting to import such a concept to my college. And with the creation of SSSSS, I thought I'd have an opportunity to do so. I wanted to do homemade cookies instead of donuts, though. And after talking to a few friends who thought that nakedness might discomfit more than delight many people, I decided to wear a clown costume instead.
So, yesterday, I got together with one of my HUGE friend crushes, and we baked lots of chocolate chip and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and today, the first annual Cookies 'n' Costumes was born. I dressed as a clown, she as a fairy princess, and with another friend dressed as a construction worker (yeah, I wasnt sure why, either) we went to the libraries and lawns and offered cookies to people who were studying.
People couldn't believe that we weren't representing some organization, and then that the cookies were free. But damn, it was great. getting that many people to crack out of their shlumpiness and smile at a clown costume or a free cookie. it gave me faith that i cando good in the world. And I was hanging out with people I really like.
Yeah, thank God, I'm pretty happy.
 
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Happy Un-Birthday to me!   
09:37am 04/04/2006
 
mood: grateful
So, because my birthday falls on June 24th, my half birthday falls on Dec. 24th, and my 3/4 birthday falls on March 24 (ALL of which are days when school is not in session!), I put my housemate Kelly in charge of giving me a school birthday. So last night, after I got out of the shower, I went back to my room, and opened the door, and eight of my friends started singing Happy Birthday to me! They informed me that today, April 4, is my official Fake birthday. They had a card and everything!
And this morning the Birthday Fairies had left a flower, a card, a note and a bag of ricecakes(?) at my door.
I love this house.
 
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a new way to label people   
01:54pm 03/04/2006
 
mood: creative
I've been thinking lately of how many of my close friends are Healers. I don't mean doctors or paramedics, but capital H Healers, as in, their primary inclination and energy that they put forth in the world is Healing. I am drawn to such people, and in a having a conversation about it, I started thinking about what other catagories of people exist - that is, I don't think it's just Healers and non-healers.
I was wondering, for instance, if so many people I love are Healers because I am broken, or because I am also a Healer. I think I am not either ofthose things. I think I have strong Healing inclination, but my primary inclination is that of Teacher.
Of course, they are not mutually exclusive. But Shu and I continued talking about this, and by thinking of various people we know, came up with some more categories. Our list now includes, but is not limited to:
Healers
Teachers
Builders/Creators
Visionaries/Dreamers
Victims
Questioners/Challengers
Appreciators
Joymongers
Poets

So, I don't think this list is comprehensive, or that if in I came up with a comprehensive list, a person would just be one of those things. But I do think we have essential inclination. For instance, I think I'm probably essentially a Teacher, with equal parts Questioner, Joymonger and Appreciator affecting the way I teach. I'm also trying to further cultivate the Healer/Builder inclination.

First, do you think there is any value to this way of thinking about people in our lives? Second, what do you think is your primary inclination (it doesn't have to be one on this list)? Share! Also, I'd be glad to tell you my impression of you, but only if you want to know.
Do you think people of certain inclinations go better with people of other certain inclinations? (I think I'm noticing Healer/Teacher pairs everywhere!)
Yeah, maybe this will be the next big internet "defining people trend." I hope not.
 
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I have been proven wrong.   
01:46am 12/03/2006
 
mood: surprised
At least, I've found out retroactively that my Feb 26th statistics re: guys is at least somewhat inaccurate. This is of little practical relevance, and I am still hoping for a call or email from a very specific someone, but it's nice to know nonetheless.
 
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more on romance   
05:20pm 06/03/2006
  So I'm wondering if this exciting "I have such a huge crush on him and maybe he could possibly like me back" feeling is as good as it gets. I can't eat or sleep from excitment, and I'm wondering if nothing, not even finding out the feelings are requited, could top this. Oh well, I probably won't know, given the axiom discussed in my Feb. 26 post. That's kind of a depressing thought.
But right now I feel all happy and excited. I was told that I'm behaving about 5 years old, but I don't think five year olds get so ridiculously caught up in crushes.
Thoughts?
 
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Yeah, I'm cool.   
09:45pm 05/03/2006
  I just streaked my house's Oscar party for the second year in a row. Now it's a tradition!
Maybe it should be a formal SSSS activity . . . Don't you wish you knew what SSSS is?
 
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I have a crush on EVERYBODY!   
12:40am 05/03/2006
 
mood: enthralled
By which I mean, two people. by which I mean, one person, right now, and the person I developed an intense crush on last week. I want to continue to claim her as a crush, because I understand what implications of emotional flakiness it carries if I no longer have a crush on her.
And really, this guy is so amazing. He just . . .ahhhh! And so likes me as a friend. And not more. I think. But there's always hope.
And I think the girl is straight, too.
 
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Spring break has crept up on me.   
11:12pm 27/02/2006
 
mood: grumpy
Does anyone know of anything wildly fantastic and/or worthwhile that I could/should do from the week of March 18-26? Concrete ideas welcome (i.e. NOT "hurricane relief on the gulf coast," which I would love to do, but have not found an appropriate organization going at the right time.)
Thanks.
 
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This is not the first time I've expressed this on lj, but   
01:28pm 13/02/2006
  I love Emily Cox.
And now I don't hate myself quite so much either.
 
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01:00am 12/02/2006
 
mood: frustrated
It's not fair how potent some people can be.
 
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04:29pm 09/02/2006
  Relationships of all kinds are hard. I don't know why I ever thought that romantic relationships were the most complicated. Friendships are plenty confusing.
And, after a brief hiatus, I still want someone to kiss, although being surrounded by cuddlers does help.
 
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Even rock can twinkle bright/ on a night when left is right   
11:59pm 01/02/2006
 
mood: whimsical
After my RC class tonight, two of my cocounselors and I wanted to go to a contact improv jam. But we were feeling sick and didn't want to infect others, and besides, when we left the meeting place and breathed the cold air, we realized we'd all rather go for a walk. So we did.
But since RC classmates are not supposed to socialize outside of class, we agreed to walk and not converse. So after a bit I started singing, and they started jamming with me, and the road got twistier and more rural. And we got to a dead end and turned around and vocal jammed some more. And then one of my fellows started naming her steps "right, left, right left, I left my right step right there right now. . . " and then we basically started verbally jamming, and skipping, and then solo contact dancing in the road, while voices intertwined this crazy Doctor Seussesque nonsense that seemed so sensible and necessary. And was
poetry.

And we laughed a lot and it felt significant and it was really
necessary.
And it was
a good night. Even as good
dare I say better
than contact improv.
But maybe
on a night
when stars shine bright
there's no need to compare
but rather to share
all kinds of joy
and both left and right can be right.
 
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Not so fast!   
08:59pm 26/01/2006
  So my physics major advisor guilted me into attending at least the first few sessions of both physics classes that I'd been previously planning to take this semester.
She looked at me with grandmotherly disappointment and said in her gentle, Polish-accented voice, "You've put so much effort and energy into physics. I'd hate for you to make a rash decision."
And I have no backbone. Damn.
I did manage to assert however, 'I'll give it a try, but I will still most likely switch"
Not good enough.
As I'm learning in RC class, though, everyone, including myself, does the best that they can at every moment.
 
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And!   
10:04am 26/01/2006
  I almost forgot to insert some angst about Israel! So here it is:
angst, angst angst, Israel, Israel, Israel.
There.
 
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Mazel tov? or something   
10:00am 26/01/2006
  I just made the decision to switch from a major that I really liked the idea of of studying (physics) to a major that I really like studying (religion). It's kind of exciting to affirm something like this, but also scary. Unfortunately, I still like the idea of studying physics. And I guess it means I'm resigning myself to being employable only as a professional Jew. Speaking of which, I should get to work on my Eilat Chayyim application.  
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I think I'm getting here.   
08:14am 20/01/2006
 
mood: confused
Faster than I expected. Going to contact improv my first night in Noho was a good, good thing.
Unless I don't want to really get back here. Part of my brain is going, "Wait! - no! - must stay angsty!
Why? Shut up brain!
So big dilemma:
How much to arrive?
Second dilemma:
Feb 17-19: Jews in the Woods or the Dance Flurry?
Both are necessary, in fact, my two favorite weekends of the year (or semester). And yet, I certainly can't be in both places at once, thoughI did briefly consider my mother's suggestion to host Jews in the Woods in Saratoga. But no. must choose.
So the abiding question:
Where do I want to be?

Shabbat shalom.
 
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Yeah, I'm back.   
01:26pm 15/01/2006
 
mood: forlorn
Or at least, my body is. I'm still totally emotionally disoriented. My mind and heart are still there, well, torn between there and Colorado. I kind of want to remain there, at least a little bit, to hold myself there. I want to return here only enough to be able to begin to assess what I've learned, how I've grown and changed. What I want.
Wouldn't we all like to know that?
I want to talk about it, but I don't know what. And I'm no expert on the matsav - the "situation" - with the palestinians or with Sharon, and that's what people keep asking me questions about. I want to talk about hating the kotel, and about loving the shuk, and hanging out with my smolani friend Tzion (and coming back to discover that in the process, I turned pretty smolani myself).
And needing kehila, damnit.
 
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Also   
01:34pm 01/01/2006
 
mood: anticipatory
I spent yesterday evening watching the sunset on the beach in Tel Aviv, before going to a New Year's (called 'Sylvester" here, for reasons I have not been able to fathom) party in Yafo.

But I'm returning to the U.S. in one week. I'll be back at Smith for the second week of J-Term, crashing probably in Erica's room (Wow, how would that work out if A. visits? THAT's a potentially really hilarious sketch!)

I'll be kind of aimless, so I'll be wanting to sing, have snowball fights, cook, watch movies, go contradancing, and daven. Who's in? Come on, who's in?

I really want to be in Israel. But I also want to be at Smtih.
This is a huge improvement from 5 months ago, when I really didn't want to be anywhere.
Too many homes is better than none at all. Thank G!d.

Incidently, yesterday was a quadruple holiday - Rosh Chodesh (the new month) coincided with Shabbat, Hanukkah, and secular new years.
So as my friend Ezra would put it:

HanukkaHodeshShabbatShana ShalomSameachTov!

And to my friends who are at reunion/plop together right now: Wow, I miss you.
 
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Okay, so it was and is a Girl.   
01:27pm 01/01/2006
  And now she's back at her home in Florida, getting ready to head back to her college in Colorado. So I should never see her again.
Except now she's talking to about coming out to visit me. Yikes.
I really don't know what I want.
We are so not right for each other, but it feels so good!
You know how it goes.
Also, I was really hoping to start dating guys. In fact, we wound up getting together right after I return from an unsuccessful date with a male person.
But was is success anyway?
I'm still here in Israel.
Really here.
Ready to leave, but also ready to come back soon.
And ready to talk. So ask me questions.
 
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And amazingly, the jury is still out.   
04:39pm 20/12/2005
  Although although as if the academic stress, frantic packing, and shitty weather were not enough I seem to be begging to become ill, as I've been compounding it with sleepless nights and an inability to eat.
Not that it isn't fun. It is.
You all know those jitters when you do something new and brave and, well, stupid. But fun.
I think I will be able to be less mysterious about this in a few days. Because one way or the other, it will definitely be over in a few days.
 
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